Saturday, April 5, 2008

Daily Office Reflection: Pointless guilt

Psalms 20, 21:1-7 * 110:1-5, 116, 117; Exodus 17:1-16; 1 Peter 4:7-19; John 16:16-31

I have said these things to you, so that in me you may have peace. (John 16:30)

Life is so easy to get wrapped up into: all the petty but necessary things that we have to do in order to survive can overtake good intentions. I like to make a habit of calling my 80 year old mother every two days or so, to check in, find out how she is feeling and see if there is anything I can do for her. Well, this week got away from me and I didn't call at all from last Saturday until I heard from my brother yesterday (Friday) afternoon.

Mom had not been feeling very well, very tired and short of breath. I had noticed her tiredness a little over a week ago when I had been visiting her in CT: she was sleeping much more then was her custom. I mentioned that perhaps she should call the doctor. Her response was twofold: she had an appointment scheduled and she would wait for that (at the end of the month); and that she's 80 years old and entitled to sleep if she wanted to, thank you very much. So I left it alone, and then got wrapped up in work and life and neglected to call her this week.

She did call the doctor this week, went in for blood tests on Thursday, for an appointment with the doctor that had been moved forward a couple of weeks. The doctor called her on Friday around 1 PM and told her that she needed to go the the emergency room immediately as her blood work showed her red blood cell count to be almost non-existent and that he was fearful that she was going to have a heart attack. A 91 year old friend took her to the emergency room. My older brother was traveling from Boston to Princeton via Amtrak and did not complete his journey home, but went to the hospital to be with her. There is a blessing in that timing.

She will be undergoing tests today to determine where she may be bleeding, and why she is so very anemic. Prayers of strength and courage for her would be greatly appreciated.

I do find strength and solace in the belief that in Jesus we may have peace. That knowledge does lessen the worry, but does not wipe it away, nor does it take away the pointless guilt I feel having missed calling her this week.

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